Finally, at the end of my first trimster, there didn't seem to be any other option. After a long, tear-filled prayer, I looked up and said, "I'm sorry God. I can't do this anymore. I am willing to keep my end of the bargain, but where are you,God? Why don't you heal me?" In my mind, there was no other option. In my mind, it was either go through with the procedure or I die, in which case the baby dies anyway. Laying on the gurney, they began to roll me into the operating room. I was filled with a sense of dread. The time had come. One last time I crossed my arms over my stomach, trying to gently caress the little life inside of me. Fighting back tears, I asked the child to forgive me then I prayed it would not hurt the baby very much. My thoughts switched to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, crying out, "Father, is there no other way?" I couldn't help but ask that same question. Why must it end like this? God, please forgive me for what I am about to do - taking the life of an innocent one! The intern took my arms and laid them at my sides, and they began to administer anesthesia. when I woke up, my hysterectomy was over, and I felt like my life was over too. No children. No chance of grandchildren. A broken vow. A crushed spirit. A shattered life.